Our Little Girl

It's been so wonderful having Isabella in our home. I had forgotten how small newborns are! She makes Benjamin seem like a teenager. I honestly think he grew while I was away in the hospital. She doesn't even fit in her newborn clothes - they just kind of float around her. She also has such a quiet cry compared to what I'm used to. She sounds more like a cat than a human. She was squeeking last night and Kelly said to me, "Did you forget to let the cat out?" When you've had nothing but toddler tantrums, a newborn's "feed me!" cry is a delight.

It's hard to put my current feelings into words. Her presence here has had effects that I wasn't expecting. She has actually helped me appreciate Benjamin more, whereas I worried that he would become more difficult. I am more thankful for his ability to communicate and participate in things and I love his eagerness and curiosity. He's been surprisingly well behaved, all things considered. (Except for when I placed her in his bouncer seat and he threw a massive fit complete with throwing himself on the floor and kicking at her.) However, honestly, when I watch him in contrast to a newborn's behavior, it shows me again how far he's come and I'm struck again with how amazingly intelligent and physically adept he is. I love him more since I've had Isabella, which is something I didn't expect to feel. My love for Isabella, on the other hand, is something that's developing day by day. I expected to fall madly in love with her at first sight as I did with Benjamin, but it has been somewhat slower for me. I loved her instantly because she was mine, of course, but a true feeling of bonding has only come as I've spent the last three days with her. I didn't have that "Oh my gosh - she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen!!" reaction to her that I had with Benjamin. However, each time I look at her, she becomes cuter, each time I hold her, I want to hold her longer. It has taken me more time with her overall. Tonight, though, as we did tummy time together, I felt really close to her and was so happy to have this wonderful little girl. I think maybe because Benjamin was such my all and everything that I am learning how to divide that attention a bit and it's taking time. However, I love being a mom to two kids. This afternoon I held Benjamin on my lap and cradled Isabella in my arms and we both looked at her and commented on her features and her size. I stepped outside of myself at that moment and marveled that his was really my life - two kids and me - together and doing well. I was filled with joy and wonder at my good fortune. I'm excited for our time ahead together.