This Kid Needs a Leash

I used to wonder about parents who put their children on leashes. Were they so inept that they had to tether themselves to their child? Couldn't they just keep an eye on them?? Today I take back all those judgemental thoughts. I need a leash.

It's spring break this week, so Benjamin spent most of the morning asking, "Where are we going today? Where can we go today?" Of course, it was cold and yucky outside, so my hope of going to a playground was dashed. We decided to go to the Detroit Science Center (a children's museum) instead. We played happily at the museum from 1:15 until 2:40 at which point I lost Benjamin.

Since every mother in the city had had the same thought I had - it's spring break and raining, let's go to museum! - the place was a madhouse!! I've never seen it so crowded in all my 3 years of being a member there. It was Ikea on opening day. It had been hard on me to keep an eye on both kids while we were there because they are both such independant creatures and so different in their interests. Neither was willing to stay by me or with each other, so I was trying to always find a spot between the two from which I could monitor them both. However, things went well for nearly 90 minutes until at 2:40 I was watching them both like hawks when Benjamin went behind a crowd of people and out of sight. I quickly grabbed Bella and went after him. It was only a matter of seconds, but by the time I'd made it around the crowd, he was gone. I scanned the area frantically, but couldn't locate him. I went all over the entire floor - a HUGE expanse - looking for him, but he was gone. The place is a runaway child's dream (and a mother's nightmare). Several different staircases, 4 floors, lots of little display rooms, a million nooks and crannies where a small child can hide without realizing he's hiding.

I searched for 15 minutes before becoming frantic. I couldn't believe he would go upstairs without me. He knows better than that, right? But he was no where to be seen! I said a silent prayer for help and went upstairs and over to the entrance to ask for assistance from the staff. As I walked up there I lost my cool and my pregnancy hormones got to me and I began crying. I had to stand to the side for a few seconds and take some deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down and contain my emotions before talking to anyone. I asked one of the staff who I should contact to help me find my child and she radioed someone over. A few seconds later a short, black woman about 60 years old, in a rent-a-cop uniform came over. "I need help finding my son," I told her and then burst into tears again. "How old is he?" she asked. "He's 3," I wailed. "Don't worry, honey, we'll help you find your baby. He's in the building. We'll find him."

I slowly contained myself again and wondered how she could be so sure that he's in the building. Then I expected her to get on her radio and start contacting others in the building or to ask me what he looks like and what he's wearing, but she did none of those obvious things. She didn't even ask me where I'd last seen him! So I offered that information and she said, "Then let's go to the elevator and head downstairs." I thought she would tell the people at the front doors to keep an eye out for him, but she didn't do that either. Evidently she was going to walk around with me looking for a child she knew nothing about, without additional back-up. Was her role simply to help me calm down while I searched??? These people clearly needed some additional training. This is a children's museum - this can't the first time this has happened!

We stood at the elevator for a moment while she looked over the railing "for little people" and I looked out over the floor we were on because I was pretty sure he wasn't on the lower floor anymore, although I was still so shocked that he'd just go up without me. We hadn't been standing there 5 seconds when I saw a child in a pair of jeans and a green shirt standing behind a display of planets 10 feet away. His head and shoulders were hidden, but I was pretty sure it was Benjamin. I ran to him and sure enough, it was him! He was interestedly admiring the display, completely unconcerned and unaware that he was alone. He saw me grab him and start sobbing and he got tears in his eyes over my emotion, but not out of any fear or concern of his own. I asked him if he realized I'd been looking for him for the last 20 minutes and he said he hadn't. I carried him over to the Bella, the stroller, and the security guard and continued to talk to him about how frightened he'd made me and how wrong it was of him to simply go upstairs alone without telling me!

I made quite a spectacle of myself with all my sobbing and hugging. I noticed several people stop and stare. The only thing the guard said was, "Wow, he's big for a three year old! That's one big kid!" "If you'd asked, I could have told you that!" I thought. In any case, she meant well and it had been nice to have a friend by my side during my ordeal. She then said she had 5 kids and the same thing had happened to her a few times. At that point, all we did was put our coats on and go home. I wasn't up for anything else, and despite Benjamin's lack of concern, he did seem quite sorry that he'd caused me such worry. He apologized several times on our way back to the car - something he rarely does without prompting from me.

I hesitated to put this up here because it may make me seem like a bad parent, but hopefully my friends who read this blog know that I honestly did my absolute best and in no way (that I can see) did negligence contribute to this event. What I want to know is how to drill it into this head that he can't just wander off (or up the stairs) like that?!?! What is it going to take? I don't want to scare him terribly with images of child molesters, but is this what's required? This isn't the first time he's done something like this! I've always found him much faster, but he's wandered off a dozen times in public places (grocery store, toy store, parks, playgrounds, etc.) not to mention the times he's gone out of the house and wandered down the street! No matter what punishment or lecture I give him, nothing seems to make any difference. I still remember when we were Christmas shopping and as I turned to take something off a shelf, he walked off and down 8 isles of Walmart to watch the TVs. Christmas rush at Walmart and my kid is gone!! Luckily my mom instinct sent me to the TVs first, but again, there he was unconcerned, staring at the screens. Alas, I love his independent spirit and free nature, but he's going to be leashed to my belt soon if he keeps this up. He needs to understand this before I have a third kid to keep track of. Sometimes it really makes me miss these days: