A Divine Partnership

Thank you to all who made comments on my last post, either here or by email or phone. It was much appreciated. I also took to heart some of the suggestions made. I read the book The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child. Thanks for the recommendation, Michelle. There were some very good ideas in there, although, I do think, as you said, that his main thrust is directed at slightly older children. Also, thanks Stacy for your idea about struggle-free diaper changes. That's been working really well! In general, things are improving. Although, I think part of the improvement is simply because I Benjamin (and kids in general) seems to go through limit-testing phases. So we'll have a really bad day or week or two weeks, and then he'll realize, 'I guess the rules are still the same and she's not budging' and things will calm back down. Later on he'll wonder again, 'what can I get away with now? Has anything changed?' and we'll start over. So these last few days have been calmer and better. It's been a much needed break.

I have to say, though, despite its seemingly endless challenges, motherhood really is amazing. I'm teaching Young Women's in a few weeks, so last week I printed off the lesson plan to see what my topic would be. It's on "Our attitudes about our Divine Roles." Basically I'm to teach the girls to be happy that the Lord wants them to be mothers and wives, and not to see that as a punishment or a banishment to a life of slavery and second-class citizenship. As a result, I've been thinking about this topic a lot recently. How do I view my role? When I was those girls' age, I never viewed motherhood as something noble. It was just something you did if you were too lazy or stupid to get a degree and do something more with your life. It wasn't until my mission that I started to see motherhood in a completely new light. Now I am overcome with gratitude for my role as a mother and my opportunity to raise these amazing children. I plead with God every day for help and strength to do it right and to follow his will. I realize I'm in a daily partnership with the Divine to raise his children and every time I sincerely seek his guidance and help, with the intent to do whatever he directs, I've receive support, strength, and peace. It's great to read books and ask friends for advice, but no one knows these children like He does and when true understanding is needed, He's there to help. No other role allows one to so intimately connect with our Heavenly Father - to work hand in hand with him, to understand him better, and to become more like him. No amount of struggle or heartache could ever outweigh blessings like those. And there's certainly no corporate desk job that could ever provide the kind of fulfillment and joy I receive from my role as a mother. God has really given us the best job in the kingdom. :)

As proof, here's a few of our recent happenings that make me happy to be a mom. I read "If You Give A Moose A Muffin" to Benjamin and in it the moose makes sock puppets. We have puppets, but the concept that you could make them out of socks fascinated him and he immediately pulled off his socks and began his first sock puppet show. Luckily the camera was nearby. Note: because I own a PC and not a Mac, I am forced to use user-unfriendly video editing software and couldn't figure out how to put subtitles on this movie. So, for those of you who don't speak German (and Benji-speak), I first ask him what his puppets are and he tells me that they're a mouse and a giraffe. I tell him to say something with them and he says, "cheese" because isn't that what you always say when the camera is on? Then he proceeds to tell me, "Puppetshow weg!" meaning, the puppets are gone, because as all toddlers think, if they can't see it, then surely you can't either. Then Peek-a-boo, they're back - it's miracle! And we continue. I ask him again what the mouse and the giraffe say and he tells me they say, "La la la." Clearly, this puppet show is headed for Broadway. Then they meet their tragic demise as they get a little too carried away with their singing. Not an award winning performance, but I think it's adorable how incredibly hilarious Bella thinks it is. She's backed herself up under the table and can't even stop laughing long enough to get out.



Isabella is becoming increasingly mobile. She's never in one place for long. She's still not crawling forward, but she can sit herself up, lunge forward, sit herself up again, etc. until she's where she wants to be. She also frequently turns around and crawls backwards to an object. She's nothing if not creative. She's also discovered the joy of pulling herself up on furniture and of walking when held by mom or dad. She's laughed and squealed with delight to such an extent and gotten herself so excited during these little escapades that she's actually started vomiting. Now that's excitement! :) So here's a few of Bella enjoying the sock puppet show while trying to climb up on me and enjoying standing and walking around.






One other fun thing we did this week came after a discussion of where various animals live. We talked about how some live in water, some on land, some in trees, etc. I decided to take it one step further and gather his toy animals and put them in their "native habitats." So we got out a bowl of water and put his toy turtle, fish, shark, etc. in it and even made a diving board out of a spatula (not in the picture), because don't all marine animals enjoy a friendly diving competition from time to time? We all got soaking wet, but we had a great time and, at her insistence, Bella's awful toy dragon even got to take a plunge too.

If Life Were A Triathlon...

...our transition times would sink us. In a close triathlon, winners and losers are determined by how long it takes to 'transition' between events - swim to bike, bike to run. I realized a few days ago that about 99% of our stress and discord occurs during what I call "transition" times. The times between set activities - getting dressed in the morning, getting out of the house to go somewhere, coming back home, turning off the computer, getting ready for bed, etc. Those times when we're usually trying to get things done in a bit of a hurry so we can get on to other things. These are the times when Benjamin decides to test his limits and exert his power and I've proven to be nearly worthless at maintaining order. Every single day we fight over diaper changes, putting coat and shoes on, getting in the car, getting back out of the car, taking coat and shoes off, washing hands, etc. I feel powerless and helpless during these times. He goes into bone melt mode where he collapses on the floor in a heap of mush and nothing but shear brute force can make him comply. Unfortunately he gets stronger every day and little by little, I'm just not big enough to force him in all situations, nor do I think that's such a good idea, anyway. Today he pulled the 'I can't hear you although you're standing right next to me' ploy all day. Everything I said was simply ignored. He wouldn't look at me or even acknowledge my presence. When I would finally make it impossible for him to ignore me any further, he would yell a firm "no!" in my face and run away. Whether we were at home, at Lifetime Fitness, or anywhere else, was irrelevant. When he did this in the parking lot of Lifetime this morning (after doing it multiple times inside already), I ran after him and grabbed him by his coat collar, yanking him backwards, so I could grab him around the waist and carry him to the car. As I grabbed him and whirled back around to the car, I saw a woman getting out of her car nearby giving me a look of pure disgust. Of course, my case didn't look too good - Benjamin was screaming at the top of his lungs like I'd just slammed him over the head. I was sure she was taking note of my license plate to report me to the child abuse folks. "Please do," I thought, "then maybe I can have a few restful days in prison."


How do you handle these things? It's not like I can just say, "okay, fine, then stay in the parking lot while I go home." I HAVE to get him to come. I tried a similar tactic today at home when he was refusing to put shoes on to go. He'd run into the bedroom and slammed the door and was leaning against it to keep me from coming in. I decided to get Bella and my bags and the stroller in the car and hopefully in the meantime he'd decide he did want to come after all. So, I was doing that and I heard some commotion by the door, but he didn't come out. So finally when all was in the car, I tried to go back inside. Benjamin was on the other side saying, "Me shoes on, mommy! Me go too!" but I couldn't get the door open. He'd locked it! Unfortunately, my keys were still inside the house! He'd apparently thought he was unlocking the door, but locked it instead, and not just one lock, but the deadbolt too. I talked him through how to get the lower lock open and he did that, but he couldn't get the deadbolt again. It's really stiff and I'm shocked he got it in the first place, but it wasn't budging a second time. So I stood there in the garage freaking out. Then I remembered that I'd unlocked the back door's deadbolt yesterday and hadn't relocked it, so that was one door with only one closed lock. I ran around the house, through the snow in my running shoes, getting soaking wet and got to the other door. I yelled to Benjamin how to unlock that door and after some more trying, he figured it out and I was able to come in. "Mommy did it!" he shrieked in delight. Ah, thank goodness I always plan 30 minutes minimum to get out of the house. So, I'm clueless how to deal with this issue. It's every single day and it's really wearing me out. Especially in public places where I have Bella to deal with too. At Lifetime, employees have repeatedly had to help me get him out of the building because he'll throw such tantrums that I can't deal with him and still carry Bella (or push her in the stroller). Alas, I just wanted to share this because my blog is usually very chipper, but this is a huge issue right now that I'm sure is just one of those "this too shall pass" things, but right now it's incredibly demanding and difficult.

She's Back

My happy, smiley girl is back, and my prediction was correct - her first tooth popped through today - a razor edged bit of white can be seen (and felt) on her lower gum. We are all glad it's finally over...until the next one. In celebration, we went out to buy a new toy to chew on. Despite my efforts to nudge her in the way of things designed for the purposes of chewing, Benjamin found something he liked more and she heartily agreed. I have never seen her so happy about a toy before. I let her play with it for a while, thinking she'd grow tired of it by the time I went to pay. However, when I took it from her at the checkout, her pained cry and longing gaze broke my heart and I gave in to paying $2.50 for this monstrosity. She happily chewed on his head all afternoon.


In the meantime Benjamin decided to don all his safety gear and imagine it wasn't 10 degrees outside. Since Christmas, he's mastered the art of pedaling (in circles in the garage) and he can't wait for spring. I guess Santa should have brought a sled instead of a bike.


And no, I didn't miss the fact that today is inauguration day, I just can't think of what exactly to write about it. I know that if I'm at all honest, I'll come across as bigoted and spiteful. But I either say nothing or say the truth and since this is my blog, I guess I have the right to voice my opinion. It's no secret that I didn't want Obama as president. That has absolutely nothing to do with him being black. I just don't like what he stands for and I don't buy all his promises for "change." In all honesty, I'm happy for the black people that they have a role model now, but I don't think this really says what they all want it to say. I think he got elected because he was young, attractive, well-spoken, and most of all - the opposite of everything that was Bush. I think you could have put any man with those characteristics in his spot and he would have gotten elected - be he white, black, asian, or hispanic. In fact, I think a woman could have won it if that woman hadn't been Hillary with all her baggage. So if the blacks want to believe that it says so much about how far America has come, fine. That's great. Go ahead. But really, I think what it really says is exactly what every past election like this has said - we hate where we are, so we're going to blame everything on the president and elect someone who is his opposite and hopefully everything will magically turn around.

All that said, Benjamin and I watched his swearing in and I told him as much as I thought he'd understand about what was going on. Tonight as I put Benjamin to bed, he said his prayer and prayed for our new president. I hope that his prayer is answered. It's my prayer too. Despite the fact that I didn't vote for him, I will do my best to support him. I pray Obama will be led by the true founder of this nation and that he will be able to live up to the incredibly high expectations everyone has for him.

Feelin' Crafty Part 2

The weather has been so deceptive these past few days - sunny and beautiful, yet absolutely frigid! So, we've been in the crafty mood again. I do about 1 or 2 a week, but this week we've done a few extra. It's so fun to see how excited Benjamin gets about them. Here are some of the latest ones. By the way, as I stated before, most of these ideas are not mine, there from the blog www.notimeforflashcards.blogspot.com. If you want to do any of them, go there and you can see all the steps. There's a button for it on the right side of my blog too.

The train of many shapes


"R" is for Rabbit (became less effective at our house since Rabbit starts with an H in German, but he still had fun with it.)


Dinosaur of many shapes and the flower he ate for lunch


Painting made by rolling a golf ball through paint. One of his favorites by far.


Intended to be an all yellow sun with hand shapes for sunbeams. But Benjamin found painting with only one color way too boring and making that many hand cut-outs way too tedious, so this is the result. It definitely takes creativity to see the sun in this one, but that's what crafts are all about, right?


This was before Christmas - our introduction to Santa


Again, a color issue - supposed to be a lady bug, but only red and black just wasn't enough.


Another pre-Christmas craft - the Candy Cane. Anything involving lots of glue is popular around here.


This one was an independent craft. I just gave him the supplies and let him do what he wanted. I call it Swamp Thing a la Benjamin.


Another independent craft. It wasn't his intention, but I'm amazed how much it ended up looking like a sea turtle.



Also, I think Isabella is finally getting some teeth, because she's been uncharacteristically mellow lately. It's just a strange, idiopathic ennui that has turned my laughing, smiling girl into a staring, straight-faced zombie. I guess that's a ton better than if she were shrieking with pain. But I'm a little worried because she's also reduced her food/milk consumption. She's only drinking 2 bottles/day this week, whereas she usually drinks 6. And she'll only eat 1/2 a bowl of baby food whereas she usually eats 2/day. We'll see how things go. I was laid flat with food poisoning Tuesday, so we've all been eating less around here these last few days. Nothing like a gastric cleanse to shed those last few pregnancy pounds - I lost 9 lbs in 2 days! Don't worry, it'll be back as soon as I start being able to keep food down. In any case, despite her listlessness, she's managed a few fun moments, especially when it comes to Benjamin. He's still her favorite member of the family.




Bella's little buddy Ava came over to play the other day. That made her smile too.



The funniest moment of today was while Benjamin was watching Dora the Explorer, I took the opportunity to play with Bella. I was building a tower out of Jenga blocks and letting her knock it over. When I did this with Benjamin at this age, he would laugh uproariously each and every time. It was his favorite game. So I was really excited to do the same with Bella. I built the tower and she swiped at it and knocked it down. I made a huge crashing sound effect and a big deal about her knocking it over and she just looked at me like, "What's the big deal?" I was stunned. I built it again. Maybe she hadn't really realized what just happened. Again she knocked it down and despite my best efforts to make it an event worth noticing, she seemed unimpressed. "Why can't you build a sturdier tower? That wasn't even a challenge," she seemed to say. At that moment Dora ended and Benjamin came running into the room. "Me turn! Me knock down!" he yelled. So I built it up again and before I'd even finished building it, he knocked it flat and almost fell over himself laughing. "Again!" he shouted with glee. Some things never change. And truly there are major differences between boys and girls that run a lot deeper than just nurture.

Santa Claus! Ho Ho Ho!

Despite my best efforts to keep Christmas as Christ-centered as possible, Benjamin found Santa every where he looked. Every gift bag, ornament, and store display elicited a "Santa Claus! Ho Ho Ho!" from him. We had a wonderful Christmas season this year, though, and a wonderful trip to Utah. It was the first year that Benjamin actually comprehended the idea of the holiday and it was so fun to celebrate with him. I feel completely overwhelmed by the idea of writing about everything we did. Plus, I realize now that I neglected to take pictures at nearly half of the coolest things, so I'm just going to post some pictures of the highlights - time with family mostly - and keep the comments brief. It's what everyone wants anyway, right?

My kids love their Grandparents!





And they love their cousins!





And Benjamin loves anything that can be called a train. We rode the train at the airport, trax in SLC, and the "train" (really just a truck with trailers made to look like a train - but Benjamin bought it) at the Pioneer Village (This is the Place State Park). The only time I remembered to take a picture was at the last place.


On to 2009!