He Left A Hole

 A piece of my heart went to Mexico today and a huge hole has been left in my life and home.

He will be in the Mexico Missionary Training Center until Oct 22 learning Spanish and learning how to teach effectively.  Then he flies back to the US, this time to Wichita, Kansas where he'll be until late Summer 2026.

I held it together until I gave him my final hug.  Then I started to break down.  I held myself mostly in check until he was through the door and then I fully let loose.  How do you say goodbye to your baby for 2 years?!  I saw my little toddler walking away inside that grown man.  My little Benjamin.  I had 18 years, almost to the day and then he was gone. 

The sadness was about the 2 years, but it was so much more than that.  The future will never again hold a place where Benjamin's home is my home in the same way.  2 years mission, then likely only a couple weeks until college at BYU Provo, and then who knows?  This marked the end of life at home with us as we've known it.  So many thoughts, worries, and wonders. Also so much joy, excitement, and pride.  I remember very well being where he now is - the first day of the mission - so much ahead of me.  It was the best time of my life - mission, college, and beyond.  I'm thrilled for him and this opportunity he'll have.  He's going to be amazing. 

It's just going to take this mama some time to grieve that her work is done.  To come to terms with the fact that he's finally doing what I've worked so hard for and prayed so hard would happen - he's a strong, capable, well prepared man ready to go out and live his best life.  No one can adequately prepare you for how hard it is to accept success in this job.