Relaxing on the Boppy

I was feeding Benjamin today and as usual, he quickly zonked out. I knew if I laid him down for a moment he'd wake up, so I rested him on the boppy. True to form, he started making those adorable smiles that he does when he's just dozing off. So I had to take a picture. And yes, he woke up again right after that, ready to eat some more.



Yesterday we were working on holding up one's own head - a true test of strength for any 3 week old. He was doing well on the floor and on my chest, so I wanted to get a picture from a better angle. I put him on the boppy in the hope that he'd try again. However, the champion was worn out and this was the best I got. Still a valiant effort and a very cute photo. We'll have to try again another time.

So Much to Learn

This blog is called “figuring it out” so here are a few things I’m figuring out:

1. How to do the daily tasks of life, that normally require two hands, using only one, while carrying a wobbly-headed infant with the other. I’ve made fruit smoothies, folded laundry, made the bed, and fixed chicken stir-fry while holding Benjamin in those moments when he refused to be set down. However, since I shared an embarrassing moment of Benjamin’s, it seems only fair to share one of mine now. It has to do with that last item, which I don’t plan on ever trying again. I had just started making dinner when he woke up and so I was forced to hold him as I finished. However, he wasn’t his usual happy self and so he was flopping himself every which way. I quickly realized that holding him while standing at the stove was too dangerous to risk, so I set down the spatula I was going to use to stir the chicken and went to sit down with him. After a minute or so, I left him to fuss a bit while I hurriedly checked on my food. I returned to the stove to find that my “heat-resistant” spatula isn’t really. Turns out, in my attention to Benjamin, I had turned on the wrong burner – not the one under the pan, but the one next to it – the one on which I’d just laid the spatula. It was now smoking, melting, and last but not least, shooting off little flames! I now have a spatula that, as Kelly put it, can flip things in pans from around the corner! I take my melted, curvy spatula as a sign that truly, my mind is on Benjamin first and foremost – a noble thing indeed. :) However, I think I’ll stick to non-fire related tasks next time I have to carry him while working around the house.

2. What to do once I go bald, because surely that’s where I’m headed seeing as how I’m losing gobs and gobs of hair every minute. Everyone told me that I’d get really thick hair while I was pregnant and then lose a lot of it afterwards. I never saw it get any thicker, but I’m horrified every time I brush my hair lately! Locks of Love, save some for me!

3. How to breastfeed in public using a blanket as a cover (while visiting teaching, no less)! Hurrah! I wasn’t sure how my first time at that would go, but I survived and so did Benjamin. I think he was a little confused why he was completely covered, but I think he quickly came to appreciate the warmth and closeness it provided because he fell asleep even faster than usual! That was frustrating, but I’d rather have him asleep than flailing his arms and throwing the blanket off!

Sorry no new pictures today. More next time.

Future Ute

We went to a picnic yesterday for all Ford employees that went to Brigham Young University and/or the University of Utah. I made sure to dress Benjamin in a red onesie (thanks to Kris for that since it's the only one he's got)and I wore my red shirt so we'd show our Ute pride. I made sure the diaper bag was well stocked with all needful things and off we went to our first outing with Benjamin. He did great. Everyone thought he was adorable and he never fussed. He never even got hungry. I had the formula ready but never needed it. BTW, we've had to switch to soy-based formula because he kept throwing up the milk-based one the hospital gave us. I don't know if it's the milk or some other factor (flavor, temperature, nipple size, etc.) that caused the throw-ups, but I decided I wasn't going to spend a lot of time figuring it out. I just got some soy formula and he seems to handle it better. We'll see if this is a sign of a milk allergy or not. Luckily we only use formula as a supplement and not as a sole source of food. Anyway, here's a picture of Benjamin with daddy at the lake during the picnic.

Happy Little Baby

Just a quick post today. I want to share something cute. As I mentioned earlier, Benjamin continues to laugh in his sleep on a regular basis and I just love catching him doing it. However, in addition, I've noticed that he gets really smilely (is that a word?) as he's falling asleep. As he dozes off, his eyes will roll a little and he'll get a big grin on his face. I wonder if the laugh-inducing dreams are already appearing and he's getting excited. ;) He seems a very happy little boy and that makes me happy too.

Kind of shows what I'm talking about:



One other cute story - as with all boys, diaper change time can be dangerous. The cannon is always ready and waiting to strike an unsuspecting victim if left unattended. Kelly, I, and many others have learned this the hard way over the past couple weeks. So, lately, I'm usually quite careful. However, yesterday I let my guard down again and turned away for a moment as I grabbed a fresh diaper. As I turned back around, I looked at Benjamin's face and burst out laughing as I saw that he had become his own latest victim. Pee was pouring onto his face like a fountain as he squirmed and grimaced under the unfamiliar barrage. He never cried or fussed, but just seemed terribly confused by what was happening. I hurriedly placed the diaper over him and then of course, had to clean him up all over again and change his now soaked onesie. It was incredibly funny to watch, though, and I'm amazed by how calmly he handled having water (so to speak) poured on his face. I can't wait to give him his first bath. When will that cord ever fall off??

Returning to Normal

I think my life is slowly returning to normal...well...that's not quite right since nothing's as it was before Benjamin arrived, but let's say that my life is settling into a predictable rhythm. Yeah, that's a better way of putting it. Last week had some pretty hard days. I didn't want to write about it in the last entry because that was a good day and I was hoping for more, but before that and the next day after the last entry, I'd say I had what is so innocuously called "baby blues." I would sit on the couch or pace the floor trying to keep Benjamin from screaming and I'd start crying even harder than he was. I would spend hours trying to calm him and completely wear myself out. I wanted my old life back and I felt I couldn't handle things anymore. Friends called and I'd look at their name on the display and not pick up. My mother called and I'd do the same thing. I was a mess. Mentally I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't shake the horrible feelings I was having.

One day a lady from church came by and brought me dinner and I had just spent the last hour crying as she rang the bell. I answered the door with my nursing bra unsnapped and hanging down under my shirt, my mascara streaked down my cheeks, and my hair a mess. Benjamin had just fallen asleep only minutes earlier. She saw me and undoubtedly got concerned. She brought in the dinner and calmed me down and offered to hold Benjamin for a while anytime he fussed and I needed a break. Just call me, she said. Ever have those people who say that but you just know you'd never call and they wouldn't ever want you to? She's not one of those. I knew she was sincere and I appreciated the offer. However, after that, for no real understandable reason, things started to improve. He started being consistent in his sleeping, didn't cry as much, I got the rest I needed to keep me sane, and my depression faded away.

They say blue is soothing to babies, so as a last resort, I covered my red shirt with a blue blanket. Apparently it worked for both of us. :)



Today, I went back to the gym for the first time. I got to talk to a few of my friends that were there. Most weren't there yet since it was 6:30am, but I wanted to get my workout in before Kelly left for work. It was so nice to be back again. I hadn't worked out there since a week before I delivered and I was feeling the withdrawal! Also, I ran for the first time in nine months! Oh, that felt wonderful! I really am a runner at heart. I was on such an endorphine high for the rest of the morning!

As for Benjamin, he's doing great. He had the regression I expected the day after I wrote the last entry, but since then, we've had wonderful nights again - two feedings, one around 2 and another around 5 and then he sleeps until 8. It's amazing. What a great little boy. Also, he usually just eats and then goes right back to sleep at night, while during the day he likes to eat, doze for a minute or two and then play for a little while (about 30 minutes) before going back to sleep. So, I'm pretty sure he's figured out the difference between night and day. Of course, "play" is a relative term when we're talking about newborns. Most often that means staring at a spot on the wall.

Kelly loves playing "tummy time" with him. I had never heard of this concept, but apparently thanks to all the emphasis on SIDS, babies don't get enough time on their stomachs anymore, so doctors recommend letting your baby lay on their stomachs on a hard surface 2-3 times a day while you watch them, so they'll strengthen their back muscles and learn to like all different body positions. Kelly has turned this time into a major athletic event. He lays next to him on the floor and cheers him on like a Brazilian soccer fan. Ben can lift his head, turn it side to side, kick his legs, and do what sort of looks like a push-up. So, of course, we think he's amazing and gifted, and Kelly praises him accordingly. :) It's a lot of fun.

Tummy Time:




We also took him to church for the first time yesterday. He did really well. I was so relieved. I assume he recognized all the hymns and it kept him calm. :) It was especially fun to show him off to everyone. Also, I had a bottle ready for him when he got hungry and so he never fussed. That was great. The funny thing about Ben's eating habits is that he's terribly noisy! He makes very loud gulping sounds and when he breaths while eating, it squeaks. So, of course, the chapel was uncharacteristically silent yesterday as you hear my little boy's squeaks and gulps resonate through the room. As the coup de gras, he finished off his meal with a loud bowel movement and a satisfied burp. What a gentleman. :)

More attempts at a portrait shot:

He's laughing!

Can a 1 week old baby laugh? Benjamin was taking a nap yesterday and I heard the strangest sounds coming from the baby monitor. I checked on him and he was fast asleep, but he was grinning from ear to ear and emitting a sound that I can only describe as laughter! He did it again and again as I watched him. He looked like he was having the time of his life. I told Kelly when he got home and he said that he laughed in his sleep when he was younger too. Maybe that really was it! How cute is that?! Benjamin is doing great. We had another pediatrician appointment today and he's now passed his birth weight, after having dropped to 7lbs 3oz. He's now at 7.12. So, he's "thriving" as they say and that makes a mommy happy. Also, his circumcision is finally healed so diaper changes have become much easier. I'm just waiting for his cord to fall off so I can see if he has an inny or an outy. One thing's certain, though - he's got my toes. My father's side of the family has pretty distinct second toes (the toe next to the big toe). The tip of it curves outward on my feet, my dad's, my gradma's, and who knows who else's. Well, it now also does that on Benjamin's feet. So adorable. I was so amazed when I saw that for the first time. How incredible is it to have this little being who's part of you and part of your husband and yet his own distinct personality and life?

Something I've noticed about his preferences is that he loves baths. I can't give him a real bath until his cord heals, but I've given him sponge baths and he seems to really enjoy the warm washcloth on his head and body. He stays very calm and stares at my face as I wash him. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm so glad he likes it too. I can't wait to see how he reacts to a real bath. Another thing I've noticed he likes is when I sing. I haven't figured out exactly what he likes about it (because it could just be the vibration of my chest as I sing and nothing more) but every time I start to sing, he looks up at my face and noticibly relaxes. The only issue is that I only know a few kids songs - Old MacDonald, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Bingo, Row Row Row Your Boat, and The Wheels on the Bus. After that, I'm out of ideas and I don't really like those songs a whole lot to begin with. So, instead, I've started singing hymns and primary songs. It's been wonderful. It brings the spirit and I can sing for hours without running out of songs. I never thought, when I memorized so many hymns, that it'd one day be to sing to my baby. I just figured it's handy not to have to have a hymn book around. The baby whisperer suggests a simple, set bed-time routine that you do every time they go to sleep. So, I've incorporated singing "Adam-ondi-Ahman" into ours. It seems to be his favorite. I start singing it as I'm swaddling him and then I get softer and only hum it as we're sitting in the rocking chair. It's amazing what a calming effect it has on him. I really love the hymns and I really love my little boy.

Of course, things haven't been all roses. This little guy can let out quite a wail and I often feel horribly inept when I'm unable to stop it. Especially around 3am. There have been mornings following rough nights when I've felt depressed and overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all over again for another day. I know - you're saying "He's only 10 days old!!" - but I can't help how I feel - blame the hormones, I guess. I've been reading "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" like it's holy writ and that has been the single biggest help so far. I can't believe the author has passed away, because I would make a pilgrimage to her home to learn from her, if possible. The biggest challenge we've faced with our little boy has been setting up a regular sleep schedule. As all newborns, he's reversed day and night. This makes life during the day wonderful, but when night comes, it's disaster. So, we've been working at correcting that and setting up a better routine. This requires us to wake him during the day - not an easy task! I feel like a monster when I take my precious little boy from his warm swaddle and try to wake him up. He scrunches up his face and groans in discomfort. However, I persist and eventually, I think, he forgives me. :) Also, I've been trying to get him to feed longer so he won't be as hungry at night. This again, requires me to keep him awake. That oxytocin is strong stuff and he's always conking out during feedings. However, a few times a day I've pumped before I nursed, thereby taking out the foremilk (the one high in oxytocin) and letting him nurse the hindmilk first, then giving him the pumped milk in the bottle afterwards. That worked really well. It added 10-15 minutes onto his nursing time and now, he feeds longer even when I don't pump. These two things combined - waking during the day and eating more - resulted in a wonderful night last night - he only woke up one time at 2:40am and then slept again until 7:00. It was amazing. I actually woke up twice besides that and checked on him, just to make sure he was okay because I was shocked he was still sleeping! We'll see how tonight goes. I'm sure there will be occasional retrogression, and that's okay, but at least I know I'm headed in the right direction.

Well, enough talk. Here's a few pictures I took during his nap. I didn't swaddle him that time because the house was way too hot, but can you see why I hate waking him? He's adorable!

A couple more pictures

Here are some more pictures of Benjamin since we've been home. He's been such a wonderful baby. Right now we're just trying to teach him that you sleep in the night and play in the day, not the other way around. :) But that's newborns for ya.



Our attempt at a "portrait" shot. Not so easy when your head is heavier than your body. I love how his socks make his feet appear gigantic! He does have very long feet, though.

How I spend my time. Does it get any better than this??



My little monkey boy:

Teaching Benjamin the wonders of Daddy's toys:

Welcome to the World!

He finally made it - our little boy - Benjamin Philip. He managed to make it only 3 hours before I was scheduled to begin my induction! Just like his daddy - has to have a deadline. :)

Labor story for those who want to read that sort of thing (skip to next part, if not): I started having contractions at 4am on Sunday. However, since I'd been having contractions for weeks, I wasn't sure they were the real thing. I just knew they hurt a lot more than any previous and didn't go away no matter what I did. After enduring them for over 4 hours and noticing that I wasn't even able to stand or talk during them anymore, I decided it was time to head to the hospital. I figured, even if I'm wrong, I will probaby just stay there anyway, since I'm to be induced starting at 8pm - beginning with an overnight application of cervical gel. So, off we went and sure enough, by the time we got there, my contractions were 3 minutes apart and very hard. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced. This was 10am. They took me into my room and gave me a birthing ball and a rocking chair and away things went. The birthing ball was nice. The contractions didn't hurt as much when I was on it as when I was in bed. However, it didn't take very long before the contractions were so severe that they were making me nauseaus. I'd have a contraction for 2-4 minutes and then vomit repeatedly until the next one. After a few hours of this, I'd had it. There was nothing left in my stomach, so I was just dry heaving and the contractions were so long and hard that I was having trouble staying relaxed like I should because I kept fearing the vomiting that was coming. I was also shaking really violently, but they said that's normal and everyone does that due to hormones, especially adrenaline. In any case, I was ready for an epidural. This was 2pm. They didn't call the anesthesiologist right away though, because they were afraid an epidural would slow my progress. So, it was only after two more requests and another hour of vomiting bile that they sent her in. So, at 3pm, I was given the heavenly epidural that I will never, ever dream of giving birth without ever again. I salute all women who chose against an epidural and survived. 5 hours without one was enough for me. After that they checked me and I was dilated to a 7 and fully effaced, so they broke my water. I labored in drug-induced peace (listening to a Sting cd; Andre Bocelli got me through the first part) for another hour or so until I started to feel the most intense pressure I've ever felt. The doctor had told me to tell her if I had the urge to push, but I couldn't tell if this was it or not. However, after another 20 minutes of the same pressure and even more violent shaking than before, I asked the nurse to get the doctor. She (the doctor) came in and checked me and immediately proclaimed - he's right there - it's time to push! I guess I'd been right after all! So before I knew what was happening, I was pushing. I pushed for 15 minutes and out he came. I've been told that that's a really short time for a first delivery. I think God knows what I can handle. Those 15 minutes felt like hours. As I was pushing I noticed the room start to fill with people. I remember that before I went into labor I'd said I only want a few people in the room when I deliver, but as everyone told me - at that point, you don't care. So it was. The whole world could have walked in and I wouldn't have cared. I was actually so insane at the moment that I thought - how nice, they'd all come to see my beautiful baby when he arrives! I can't wait to show them! Turns out the reason so many doctors and staff were coming in was because his pulse was dropping and they thought the cord was wrapped around his neck. Of course, I had no idea at all that there was any concern. When Ben came out she said, "Oh, the cord was around his foot, not his neck." My thought was, "We thought it was around his neck??" I had been clueless. However, that must have been why they kept saying things like "this baby isn't enjoying the pushing stage" and other medical euphemisms that went straight over my head. When he was finally born, they placed him on my chest for a split second and then I didn't hold him again for nearly an hour while the pediatrician checked him out and gave him oxygen. They pronounced him perfectly healthy though, and at 5:50pm, I finally got to hold my new little angel. It was the most incredible experience. Labor hurts more than you can ever imagine, but what a miracle the human body is that it does all this and rewards you with new life at the end.

Kelly and I have never been happier. He was a wonderful labor partner and I am so happy he was there to share it with me. What a great dad he's going to be. I'll continue to update on Ben's progess as time goes on, but for now, here are some of our favorite photos of the last two days. Happy Fourth of July everyone!