Returning to Normal

I think my life is slowly returning to normal...well...that's not quite right since nothing's as it was before Benjamin arrived, but let's say that my life is settling into a predictable rhythm. Yeah, that's a better way of putting it. Last week had some pretty hard days. I didn't want to write about it in the last entry because that was a good day and I was hoping for more, but before that and the next day after the last entry, I'd say I had what is so innocuously called "baby blues." I would sit on the couch or pace the floor trying to keep Benjamin from screaming and I'd start crying even harder than he was. I would spend hours trying to calm him and completely wear myself out. I wanted my old life back and I felt I couldn't handle things anymore. Friends called and I'd look at their name on the display and not pick up. My mother called and I'd do the same thing. I was a mess. Mentally I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't shake the horrible feelings I was having.

One day a lady from church came by and brought me dinner and I had just spent the last hour crying as she rang the bell. I answered the door with my nursing bra unsnapped and hanging down under my shirt, my mascara streaked down my cheeks, and my hair a mess. Benjamin had just fallen asleep only minutes earlier. She saw me and undoubtedly got concerned. She brought in the dinner and calmed me down and offered to hold Benjamin for a while anytime he fussed and I needed a break. Just call me, she said. Ever have those people who say that but you just know you'd never call and they wouldn't ever want you to? She's not one of those. I knew she was sincere and I appreciated the offer. However, after that, for no real understandable reason, things started to improve. He started being consistent in his sleeping, didn't cry as much, I got the rest I needed to keep me sane, and my depression faded away.

They say blue is soothing to babies, so as a last resort, I covered my red shirt with a blue blanket. Apparently it worked for both of us. :)



Today, I went back to the gym for the first time. I got to talk to a few of my friends that were there. Most weren't there yet since it was 6:30am, but I wanted to get my workout in before Kelly left for work. It was so nice to be back again. I hadn't worked out there since a week before I delivered and I was feeling the withdrawal! Also, I ran for the first time in nine months! Oh, that felt wonderful! I really am a runner at heart. I was on such an endorphine high for the rest of the morning!

As for Benjamin, he's doing great. He had the regression I expected the day after I wrote the last entry, but since then, we've had wonderful nights again - two feedings, one around 2 and another around 5 and then he sleeps until 8. It's amazing. What a great little boy. Also, he usually just eats and then goes right back to sleep at night, while during the day he likes to eat, doze for a minute or two and then play for a little while (about 30 minutes) before going back to sleep. So, I'm pretty sure he's figured out the difference between night and day. Of course, "play" is a relative term when we're talking about newborns. Most often that means staring at a spot on the wall.

Kelly loves playing "tummy time" with him. I had never heard of this concept, but apparently thanks to all the emphasis on SIDS, babies don't get enough time on their stomachs anymore, so doctors recommend letting your baby lay on their stomachs on a hard surface 2-3 times a day while you watch them, so they'll strengthen their back muscles and learn to like all different body positions. Kelly has turned this time into a major athletic event. He lays next to him on the floor and cheers him on like a Brazilian soccer fan. Ben can lift his head, turn it side to side, kick his legs, and do what sort of looks like a push-up. So, of course, we think he's amazing and gifted, and Kelly praises him accordingly. :) It's a lot of fun.

Tummy Time:




We also took him to church for the first time yesterday. He did really well. I was so relieved. I assume he recognized all the hymns and it kept him calm. :) It was especially fun to show him off to everyone. Also, I had a bottle ready for him when he got hungry and so he never fussed. That was great. The funny thing about Ben's eating habits is that he's terribly noisy! He makes very loud gulping sounds and when he breaths while eating, it squeaks. So, of course, the chapel was uncharacteristically silent yesterday as you hear my little boy's squeaks and gulps resonate through the room. As the coup de gras, he finished off his meal with a loud bowel movement and a satisfied burp. What a gentleman. :)

More attempts at a portrait shot: