Friday, May 29, 2020

A day of loss

Benjamin lost his best lawn care client today and I lost a good friend.  Benjamin first.  He has been mowing for a woman in our neighborhood for about three years now and she pays more than any other client he has.  They have a standing agreement that he simply keeps an eye on her lawn and mows it when he thinks it needs it.  However, this year she has rented her place out to others and moved in with her father and the people who live there now don't agree about when the lawn needs mowing.  They feel it needs it more often than Benjamin and, in all honesty, Benjamin has been negligent and lazy about it.  He should have mowed more often but he wasn't being diligent about it.  They called her and asked what to do and she told them to wait.  She was sure he'd come.  Three days went by and he still didn't and so they called again.  They offered to do it for free because they wanted it to look nice.  So she agreed.  When he went over to mow today, he was told to not mow it anymore.  So he has been fired from his best job.  They will now mow the lawn this season and he's out $50/week.  However, it's not the money that bothers me most.  It's the negligence and the loss of trust.  I was really disappointed in the whole thing.  A bit frustrated that she gave up on Benjamin after just one flub, but I guess that's life.  Free vs. $50/week.  I know what I'd choose.  I'm not sure how sad he was.  He hides things like that.  He won't let me see if he's upset.  He always has an excuse and covers things with bravado.  Maybe he really didn't care or maybe he did, but I know I did.  It weighed heavily on me all day.  I was mad at him for putting video games and phone time first and not doing what he committed to do.  I was worried that this was a trend and worried about where it will lead. I finally called her and apologized on his behalf and she said that she'd still call him when the renters went on vacation or when she needed dog walking, which he also does for her, but otherwise, she'd let them mow.  Super sad.  I just hope he learns something from this.

Also today, well, yesterday actually, but it still weighed on me today, I lost a friend of mine to brain cancer.  He was diagnosed only about 9 months ago and he was seeming strong and well until just a few weeks ago.  However, chemo really took its toll and, of course, as it hardly ever does, it didn't help.  He passed away leaving his wife and two young sons.  I kept trying to wrap my head around the idea that he was gone.  It's so strange to wake up and think that someone you've known for years suddenly isn't in this world with you anymore.  That he's now in the next life when just recently he was alive and vibrant and full of ideas right here with you.  I always admired him and enjoyed being around him and I mourn for that but especially for his family.  I pray that they will be comforted in this time.  If it's hard on me, it must be terrible on them.  I think because we are eternal beings, death and the loss of someone, is so hard to conceptualize.  You have a hard time accepting that they're gone, probably because they aren't really, but for now they are and it takes so long to get used to.   So, a bummer day today, but the weekend is coming and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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