He's laughing!

Can a 1 week old baby laugh? Benjamin was taking a nap yesterday and I heard the strangest sounds coming from the baby monitor. I checked on him and he was fast asleep, but he was grinning from ear to ear and emitting a sound that I can only describe as laughter! He did it again and again as I watched him. He looked like he was having the time of his life. I told Kelly when he got home and he said that he laughed in his sleep when he was younger too. Maybe that really was it! How cute is that?! Benjamin is doing great. We had another pediatrician appointment today and he's now passed his birth weight, after having dropped to 7lbs 3oz. He's now at 7.12. So, he's "thriving" as they say and that makes a mommy happy. Also, his circumcision is finally healed so diaper changes have become much easier. I'm just waiting for his cord to fall off so I can see if he has an inny or an outy. One thing's certain, though - he's got my toes. My father's side of the family has pretty distinct second toes (the toe next to the big toe). The tip of it curves outward on my feet, my dad's, my gradma's, and who knows who else's. Well, it now also does that on Benjamin's feet. So adorable. I was so amazed when I saw that for the first time. How incredible is it to have this little being who's part of you and part of your husband and yet his own distinct personality and life?

Something I've noticed about his preferences is that he loves baths. I can't give him a real bath until his cord heals, but I've given him sponge baths and he seems to really enjoy the warm washcloth on his head and body. He stays very calm and stares at my face as I wash him. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm so glad he likes it too. I can't wait to see how he reacts to a real bath. Another thing I've noticed he likes is when I sing. I haven't figured out exactly what he likes about it (because it could just be the vibration of my chest as I sing and nothing more) but every time I start to sing, he looks up at my face and noticibly relaxes. The only issue is that I only know a few kids songs - Old MacDonald, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Bingo, Row Row Row Your Boat, and The Wheels on the Bus. After that, I'm out of ideas and I don't really like those songs a whole lot to begin with. So, instead, I've started singing hymns and primary songs. It's been wonderful. It brings the spirit and I can sing for hours without running out of songs. I never thought, when I memorized so many hymns, that it'd one day be to sing to my baby. I just figured it's handy not to have to have a hymn book around. The baby whisperer suggests a simple, set bed-time routine that you do every time they go to sleep. So, I've incorporated singing "Adam-ondi-Ahman" into ours. It seems to be his favorite. I start singing it as I'm swaddling him and then I get softer and only hum it as we're sitting in the rocking chair. It's amazing what a calming effect it has on him. I really love the hymns and I really love my little boy.

Of course, things haven't been all roses. This little guy can let out quite a wail and I often feel horribly inept when I'm unable to stop it. Especially around 3am. There have been mornings following rough nights when I've felt depressed and overwhelmed at the thought of doing it all over again for another day. I know - you're saying "He's only 10 days old!!" - but I can't help how I feel - blame the hormones, I guess. I've been reading "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" like it's holy writ and that has been the single biggest help so far. I can't believe the author has passed away, because I would make a pilgrimage to her home to learn from her, if possible. The biggest challenge we've faced with our little boy has been setting up a regular sleep schedule. As all newborns, he's reversed day and night. This makes life during the day wonderful, but when night comes, it's disaster. So, we've been working at correcting that and setting up a better routine. This requires us to wake him during the day - not an easy task! I feel like a monster when I take my precious little boy from his warm swaddle and try to wake him up. He scrunches up his face and groans in discomfort. However, I persist and eventually, I think, he forgives me. :) Also, I've been trying to get him to feed longer so he won't be as hungry at night. This again, requires me to keep him awake. That oxytocin is strong stuff and he's always conking out during feedings. However, a few times a day I've pumped before I nursed, thereby taking out the foremilk (the one high in oxytocin) and letting him nurse the hindmilk first, then giving him the pumped milk in the bottle afterwards. That worked really well. It added 10-15 minutes onto his nursing time and now, he feeds longer even when I don't pump. These two things combined - waking during the day and eating more - resulted in a wonderful night last night - he only woke up one time at 2:40am and then slept again until 7:00. It was amazing. I actually woke up twice besides that and checked on him, just to make sure he was okay because I was shocked he was still sleeping! We'll see how tonight goes. I'm sure there will be occasional retrogression, and that's okay, but at least I know I'm headed in the right direction.

Well, enough talk. Here's a few pictures I took during his nap. I didn't swaddle him that time because the house was way too hot, but can you see why I hate waking him? He's adorable!

A couple more pictures

Here are some more pictures of Benjamin since we've been home. He's been such a wonderful baby. Right now we're just trying to teach him that you sleep in the night and play in the day, not the other way around. :) But that's newborns for ya.



Our attempt at a "portrait" shot. Not so easy when your head is heavier than your body. I love how his socks make his feet appear gigantic! He does have very long feet, though.

How I spend my time. Does it get any better than this??



My little monkey boy:

Teaching Benjamin the wonders of Daddy's toys:

Welcome to the World!

He finally made it - our little boy - Benjamin Philip. He managed to make it only 3 hours before I was scheduled to begin my induction! Just like his daddy - has to have a deadline. :)

Labor story for those who want to read that sort of thing (skip to next part, if not): I started having contractions at 4am on Sunday. However, since I'd been having contractions for weeks, I wasn't sure they were the real thing. I just knew they hurt a lot more than any previous and didn't go away no matter what I did. After enduring them for over 4 hours and noticing that I wasn't even able to stand or talk during them anymore, I decided it was time to head to the hospital. I figured, even if I'm wrong, I will probaby just stay there anyway, since I'm to be induced starting at 8pm - beginning with an overnight application of cervical gel. So, off we went and sure enough, by the time we got there, my contractions were 3 minutes apart and very hard. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced. This was 10am. They took me into my room and gave me a birthing ball and a rocking chair and away things went. The birthing ball was nice. The contractions didn't hurt as much when I was on it as when I was in bed. However, it didn't take very long before the contractions were so severe that they were making me nauseaus. I'd have a contraction for 2-4 minutes and then vomit repeatedly until the next one. After a few hours of this, I'd had it. There was nothing left in my stomach, so I was just dry heaving and the contractions were so long and hard that I was having trouble staying relaxed like I should because I kept fearing the vomiting that was coming. I was also shaking really violently, but they said that's normal and everyone does that due to hormones, especially adrenaline. In any case, I was ready for an epidural. This was 2pm. They didn't call the anesthesiologist right away though, because they were afraid an epidural would slow my progress. So, it was only after two more requests and another hour of vomiting bile that they sent her in. So, at 3pm, I was given the heavenly epidural that I will never, ever dream of giving birth without ever again. I salute all women who chose against an epidural and survived. 5 hours without one was enough for me. After that they checked me and I was dilated to a 7 and fully effaced, so they broke my water. I labored in drug-induced peace (listening to a Sting cd; Andre Bocelli got me through the first part) for another hour or so until I started to feel the most intense pressure I've ever felt. The doctor had told me to tell her if I had the urge to push, but I couldn't tell if this was it or not. However, after another 20 minutes of the same pressure and even more violent shaking than before, I asked the nurse to get the doctor. She (the doctor) came in and checked me and immediately proclaimed - he's right there - it's time to push! I guess I'd been right after all! So before I knew what was happening, I was pushing. I pushed for 15 minutes and out he came. I've been told that that's a really short time for a first delivery. I think God knows what I can handle. Those 15 minutes felt like hours. As I was pushing I noticed the room start to fill with people. I remember that before I went into labor I'd said I only want a few people in the room when I deliver, but as everyone told me - at that point, you don't care. So it was. The whole world could have walked in and I wouldn't have cared. I was actually so insane at the moment that I thought - how nice, they'd all come to see my beautiful baby when he arrives! I can't wait to show them! Turns out the reason so many doctors and staff were coming in was because his pulse was dropping and they thought the cord was wrapped around his neck. Of course, I had no idea at all that there was any concern. When Ben came out she said, "Oh, the cord was around his foot, not his neck." My thought was, "We thought it was around his neck??" I had been clueless. However, that must have been why they kept saying things like "this baby isn't enjoying the pushing stage" and other medical euphemisms that went straight over my head. When he was finally born, they placed him on my chest for a split second and then I didn't hold him again for nearly an hour while the pediatrician checked him out and gave him oxygen. They pronounced him perfectly healthy though, and at 5:50pm, I finally got to hold my new little angel. It was the most incredible experience. Labor hurts more than you can ever imagine, but what a miracle the human body is that it does all this and rewards you with new life at the end.

Kelly and I have never been happier. He was a wonderful labor partner and I am so happy he was there to share it with me. What a great dad he's going to be. I'll continue to update on Ben's progess as time goes on, but for now, here are some of our favorite photos of the last two days. Happy Fourth of July everyone!

I'm going insane

Now I feel silly that I ever got excited about contractions two weeks ago. I've since been 50% effaced and dilated to a 1 for over a week now, despite hard contractions, day and night for 9 straight days. I wake up with them, deal with them all day long, and yet - nothing. So, to keep myself from going completely insane as I enter my 41st week of pregnancy, I have cleaned every square inch of my apartment - from the blades on the kitchen ceiling fan to the bathroom cabinets and drawers and I decided to compile my profile pictures. In the first two you really can't see a bump, so I've started at week 27 and ended with the picture I took this morning at week 41. I'm not the best at web publishing, so the image is really grainy. I couldn't figure out how to get all those pictures into one uploadable image without going through word, then converting that to a pdf and then to a jpg. Naturally the process corrupted the images quite a bit. If any computer geniuses have a better idea, I'm up for suggestions. But regardless, the main idea is there - I'm getting bigger and bigger and bigger. At this point I feel like my skin is going to rip apart if he doesn't come out soon.

How much longer?

I really hoped I wouldn't need my doctor's appointment today. Or if I had to see a doctor - I really hoped it'd be the pediatrician rather than the OBGYN. However, Benjamin is apparently quite comfortable where he's at and despite frequent contractions, dilation, effacement, etc., nothing has officially started. The doctor says I'll likely go to my due date...or later. Great. I guess I shouldn't complain, though. I'm not swelling, have no hemorrhoids, back pain, heart burn, or sleeplessness. In general I feel good - I'm just so impatient!! I can't wait to hold my little boy. And although this may sound sick and twisted, I'm actually excited to give birth! I mean, it's an incredible miracle and although I'm scared of the pain, I can't wait to understand what I've only heard described all my life. My body is going to do something so amazing and I just can't wait! But I guess I'll have to. This is obviously only the first lesson in a long string of lessons teaching me patience with regard to this little boy.

Come on Down!

Yesterday at work I had about 30 people walk by and say, "You're still here?!?!" I'm not due for another two weeks, but in some people's opinion, "Your baby is so big, it looks like it's ready to just jump right off you!" I've learned so much about what NOT to say to pregnant women. However, as of yesterday I really thought I'd had no signs of on-coming labor. No braxton-hix contractions, no dropping of the baby, no dilation, nada. As of this morning, I realize I was wrong. I had my doctor's appointment and he first asked me about contractions or if I've felt anything and I said no. So he wrote that down in my chart and then he had me lie down. As I pulled my shirt off my belly, he said, "So, you're not feeling any contraction right now?" No. "Because you're having one." WHAT? Apparently I am incapable of feeling braxton-hix contractions. Could I continue this blessing through labor as well??!? :) He asked me a minute later, "Do you feel any difference now?" No. "Now it's stopped." He scratched out what he'd written in my chart and put that I am having contractions. I was so happy! I am having contractions! How cool is that?!? Then he did the exam and said that Ben's head is far down in the birth canal and that my cervix is changing. Yipee! Or, as Julia always says, Squee!! (I should ask her where that comes from, because I have no idea). So, maybe all those talks I've been having with Benjamin about coming early are actually getting through. Wouldn't that be wonderful? So, all those people that I told yesterday that I haven't had any signs, now I can tell that actually I am. I'm very happy. I mean, I know that all this stuff could happen now and Ben could still come late, but it's given me renewed hope anyway. Plus, now the nursery is all done too. The crib, changing table/dresser, stroller, bouncer chair, car seat, etc. etc. etc. are all ready to go and he's got more clothes to wear than I do! So, now he just needs to come down some more and get this party started! :)

Almost 7 pounds!

I went in for another ultrasound today. The doctor said it's standard at 37 weeks to check on the size of the baby and make some more general measurements and assessments. So, I got another look at my sweet little baby - again the tech confirmed that it's almost certainly a boy. Also, she said that he's just under 7lbs! Wow. I'm carrying around a 7lbs baby inside me! No wonder I'm feeling so heavy! Plus, thanks to the heat wave we've been having here, I'm actually starting to swell a little for the first time. I couldn't see the blood vessels in my feet yesterday afternoon and this morning I woke up with noticeable puffiness in my face and hands. Oh well, I notice if I don't sit for too long and I keep cool, it doesn't get too bad. The keeping cool is easier said than done, but Kelly has been wonderful. We've had the A/C cranking and he bought me a big box fan at Big Box Mart. :) (aka Wal-Mart). Those things, combined with 2-3 cold showers/day have made life bearable. I'm just so incredibly excited! Only a few more weeks and Benjamin will be here! It's absolutely amazing. My final baby shower is on Saturday and then I should have everything I need, minus a rocking chair and a changing table which I'll get as soon as the Ikea grand opening happens on June 7. In any case, this is such a wonderful time and no matter the swelling feet or the ever growing belly, life is very, very good.

Let's Go!

I start my 37th week today! So, I'm technically full term! I'm ready to have this baby, but Kelly keeps telling me we should wait until Ben's further along, as if it were up to me. It's funny. I want to say, "Okay, if you insist, then I'll wait." I really would be happy if Benjamin would just move down a little and ease up on my stomach and lungs. It's hard for a girl who's used to running 6-10 miles/day to feel winded when going up the stairs! Plus, the nausea I've been experiencing lately has been hard. But everything in its own time. I'm just so happy he's still doing well and seems to be growing very nicely! Here's another profile shot of me taken yesterday. I definitely see a difference since the last photo! I also notice my back is bowing out more than before. I still don't have any back pain, though, so that's a huge blessing.

It's Raining Babies!

I had a baby shower today. The best part was that I had no idea I was going to have one! I covered a shift for a girl at work last week and to be nice she offered to cover one of mine. So I said, "how about Thursday?" and she agreed. I didn't really need it covered, I just figured it would be nice to have the time off since she was offering. Plus, then later it came up that some neighbors of mine were having a party and it was convenient that I didn't have to work so I could go. End of story. At least that's what I thought, until two minutes after my shift was supposed to start. My phone rang and the caller ID said it was my boss. I assumed the worst. "What are you doing right now?" she asked. "Why? Did Jenny not come in for me?" "No, she's here, but we were planning something for you. Are you busy?" She went on to explain that a couple of girls I work with were going to take me out to eat as a surprise. They didn't know that I had gotten Jenny to cover my shift and Jenny didn't say anything because she assumed I'd suggested Thursday because I knew about the surprise after all and wanted the time off. I felt so bad! They wanted to surprise me and I accidentally ruined it! She laughed and said it's no big deal and they'd reschedule. I got off the phone and felt bad and thought, "I could still go! The other party's not until 5pm, it's only 2pm now, why not still do it?" So I called her back and said I could be there in 30 minutes, I'd just have to walk over because I don't have a car. She offered to pick me up and take me home and voila - I had a baby shower! The part she didn't tell me was that this was more than just a couple girls - this was the entire female half of the staff! When I got there, there were already 6 people there and within a few minutes, the party had grown to 16. It was awesome! And boy did I feel better that I had insisted on coming and not making them reschedule!!! My boss had called all the guys on the staff and gotten them to cover shifts for all the girls and reserved a room at a nearby restaurant and bought cake and gotten a card with everyone's signature and balloons and a gift card for $175 to babies-r-us!!!! It was amazing. I had no idea that this was happening and I'm so overwhelmed with joy and love and acceptance that I just can't even believe it! It may be the hormones, but I'm almost weepy. It's just so cool. So, I have the best colleagues on earth and it's wonderful to be so appreciated. Life is really good right now, I must say.

Societal Formalities

I designed the birth announcements yesterday. Usually I'm one of those people that dislikes all the "niceties" of society, like thank you cards, birth announcements, hostess gifts, and wedding favors. They seem like a lot of work just to meet a standard set by people like Martha Stewart and Ann Landers. I'd much rather thank a friend in person for a gift and never expect someone to bring me a present just because I invited them over for dinner. However, I really had fun designing the birth announcements. Playing around with teddy bear icons and making up fake information on birth date (of course, to be replaced with real information later) was quite entertaining! It let my nearly non-existent creative side get out a little and I'm happy with the result. Plus, I got to do two, one in German and one in English, for both sides of the family. Now I just have to have the baby so I can send them! :)

Happy Mother's Day!

My first mother's day! Kelly called me from church to wish me a happy mother's day, because I was still asleep when he left. What a sweetie. It's fun to have another holiday to celebrate. I could definitely get used to this.

Many have asked to see pictures of me and my pregnant belly, so rather than send them all out by email, I thought I'd post a couple here. Although I'm wearing black in both, I promise I didn't do that on purpose because, as people say, "black is slimming."

The first picture is one in a series I've been taking to document my progress. It was taken last week, at week 34. I always wear the same clothes and stand in the same place so that as I flip through the pictures, it creates a cool effect of my belly growing. The second is from our trip to Nauvoo over Easter. So, now you can all see, but please try to keep the laughter to a minimum. :)

Why isn't she wearing any clothes?

We attended our first "birth awareness" class today. Very informative, very fun class. The time flew by! But I have to ask, why are women in those birth videos always completely naked? Is it that they figure the whole world will see them at their most vulnerable, so why not just go all the way, or would these women naturally give birth without so much as a sports bra or tank top on? Just a question. Regardless, I'm glad there are women in the world willing to be filmed during birth because there is nothing more amazing then to see that little baby emerging for the first time. I can't believe it's only 6 more weeks until I experience it first hand!